


Hamilton Dragging Hour™

by gaysinspace



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Drunk Texting, F/F, F/M, Group chat, M/M, Texting, everyone is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-28 09:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8441029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaysinspace/pseuds/gaysinspace
Summary: Once every day, the squad has a single hour in which they're all free from class, work and other compromises. This daily hour has become known as the Hamilton Dragging Hour™.Otherwise known as the texting fic where everyone drags Alexander and he's just feeling really attacked right now, guys.





	1. Chapter 1

**Sinner Hell Squad**

alEXTRAnder, honhonlafayette, momfriendliza, peggysus, herculASS, johnnyboy, angrelica

 

**[11:42 AM]**

_peggysus:_ guys alex was being extra again

 _herculASS:_ what did he do

 _alEXTRAnder:_ BITCH WHEN?!

 _angrelica:_ living up to his name I see

 _honhonlafayette:_ mes amis can we please wait for The Time

 _johnnyboy:_ its only 18 min guys

 _johnnyboy:_ u can hold off on the dragging for 18 min

 _peggysus:_ no

 _herculASS:_ we cant tho

 _honhonlafayette:_ have mercy on me

 _alEXTRAnder:_ I hate all of you

 

**[11:47 AM]**

_herculASS:_ is it time yet

 _peggysus:_ bitch i wish

 _alEXTRAnder:_ what did i even do i haven't done anything draggable in days

 _honhonlafayette:_ look at him he's clueless

 _alEXTRAnder:_ shut up baguette fucker

 _johnnyboy:_ 13 min you dicks

 

**[11:51 AM]**

_herculASS:_ i gotta know

 _honhonlafayette:_ no we agreed on 12

 _peggysus:_ we're all here anyway let me drag him

 _angrelica:_ eliza doesn't get off work until 12

 _alEXTRAnder:_ eliza would never want to participate in the drag fest anyway she loves me too much

 _herculASS:_ sit your ass down hamilton

 

**[11:56 AM]**

_momfriendliza:_ I got off work early. what's happening?

 _alEXTRAnder:_ at last my sweet wife has returned tell them to stop being like this

 _momfriendliza:_ would someone explain what's going on?

 _alEXTRAnder:_ these awful foes would humiliate me in my presence as a form of entertainment

 _peggysus:_ alex was being extra and its almost drag hour

 _momfriendliza:_ oh shit what did he do

_alEXTRAnder: ELIZA WHAT THE FUCK_

_honhonlafayette:_ ooooh, the bitter sting of betrayal

 _alEXTRAnder:_ eliza is cancelled. she's over.

 _momfriendliza:_ sorry alex

 _alEXTRAnder:_ i want a divorce

 

**[11:59 AM]**

_alEXTRAnder:_ the only one of you fuckers I can trust is john

 

**[12:00 PM]**

_johnnyboy:_ OKAY WHAT DID HE DO NOW

 _alEXTRAnder:_ WHAT THE FUCK

 _peggysus:_ HOOOOO BOY LEMME TELL YA

 _herculASS:_ ITS TIME

 _alEXTRAnder:_ I DIDN'T DO SHIT

 _angrelica:_ we both know that's a lie

 _honhonlafayette:_ stop lying to yourself and to god

 _alEXTRAnder:_ you come into my house,,,, call me extra, ,,, call me a  _liar_

 _herculASS:_ your house? fam you been sleepin on my couch for the past week

 _alEXTRAnder:_ listen mulligan i didn't come to this country to be dragged by your ugly ass

_herculASS:_

_┏┓_  
_┃_ _┃  ╱╲ in this_  
_┃ ╱╱╲╲ house_  
_╱╱╭╮╲╲ we_  
_▔▏┗┛▕▔ ╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲_  
_drag alex_  
_╱╱            ┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓             ╲╲  
_ _▔▏            ┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛           ▕▔_

  _alEXTRAnder:_ did you really take the time to make that just to annoy me

 _alEXTRAnder:_ and y'all call  _me_ extra

 

**[12:01 PM]**

_honhonlafayette:_ peggy dont leave me in suspense

 _angrelica:_ i need new blackmail material

 _alEXTRAnder:_ no you don't

 _angrelica:_ yea alex is right

 _alEXTRAnder:_ to no one's surprise

 _angrelica:_ his entire existence is embarrassing enough to count as blackmail. how could i ever run out of material.

 _herculASS:_ OH

 _johnnyboy:_ SHIT

 

**[12:03 PM]**

_momfriendliza:_ alex has been quiet for too long

 _herculASS:_ sorry i couldnt hear you over all this peace and quiet i'm getting

 _honhonlafayette:_ eliza is right. he has been quiet for far too long.

 _angrelica:_ he's probably writing one of his angry essay texts

 _herculASS:_ $10 that he's being extra and writing an essay text

 _johnnyboy:_ i wouldn't bet against that

 _momfriendliza:_ i don't know, guys. i've been working on peaceful communication with him and i think it might be working

 _alEXTRAnder:_ ALRIGHT

 _alEXTRAnder:_ LISTEN HERE

 _alEXTRAnder:_ YOU LITTLE SHIT

 _momfriendliza:_ or not

 _herculASS:_ you owe me $10

 _alEXTRAnder:_ the fact that _you_ , angelica schuyler church, a woman who  _claims_ to stand up for all thats right and fight against injustice have come out here and told  _me,_ an innocent victim in this entire affair who has never done anything wrong in his entire life, that my entire life is a an _embarrassment_ , is a contradiction in the purest sense and betrays all the pledges and values that you stand for. i cannot believe you have fallen this far from grace and it is greatly immoral and simply highly concerning to me and all our friends here present that you have become this person instead of the peaceful and kind soul I know you to be. I mourn for this loss dear angelica and I shall be submitting a full complaint in coming days to the student association regarding this unacceptable behavior.

 _herculASS:_ I have never seen so many commas in my life

 _angrelica:_ honestly at this point alex drags himself

 

**[12:06 PM]**

_momfriendliza:_ did peggy die

 _herculASS:_ i hope not

 _angrelica:_ she's not allowed to die without dragging alex first

 _peggysus:_ alright hoes here it goes

 _honhonlafayette:_ the prodigal daughter returns

 _peggysus:_ so i'm sitting here minding my own business during our government class right

 _peggysus:_ a class ham shouldn't even be in if he hadn't been so extra back in freshman year

 _johnnyboy:_ tbt the great drag of 2014

 _honhonlafayette:_ wait i have not heard this story

 _angrelica:_ alexander hamilton, a messy bitch who lives for drama, walked out of his government class the first day of his freshman year because his professor said taxing the rich in proportion to their income is an ineffective and corrupt measure

 _honhonlafayette:_ that doesn't sound so bad

 _momfriendliza:_ right after telling professor seabury to go back to sucking on the corrupted tit of corporate capitalism while living happily in his blindness to how the real world works

 _herculASS:_ which came right after telling him to shove his bourgeois governance doctorate up his ass, right next to the silver spoon already residing in there

 _honhonlafayette:_ oh

 _alEXTRAnder:_ i'm not proud of what I did

 _johnnyboy:_ yes you are

 _alEXTRAnder:_ yea i kinda am

 

**[12:07 PM]**

_peggysus:_ ANYWAY

 _peggysus:_ alex is sitting there peacefully, waiting for his next chance to be extra when professor lee makes a comment on how a lot of "urban" names sound the same

 _herculASS:_ oh no

 _peggysus:_ oh yes

 _peggysus:_ prof lee then proceeds to comment on how he has often simply dished out random names as guesses when he forgets

 _angrelica:_ good god

 _peggysus:_ naturally, it couldnt  _just_ be lee taking part in this mess

 _peggysus:_ a group of pasty ass freshies start stating random "urban sounding" names

 _johnnyboy:_ but what did alex do

 _alEXTRAnder:_ listen in my defense

 _herculASS:_ show me where i asked for your defense. peggy continue

 _peggysus:_ ya boy hamilton pipes up and goes. "yah, i totally agree, like. a lot of non-white names totally sound the same, right _kyle_?"

 _peggysus:_ "and its not like you're just being totally prejudiced and kind of a dick right _brad_?"

 _peggysus:_ "and omg _jake_ , I totally get that you have trouble saying all these "ethnic" names"

 _herculASS:_ okay but what did he do

 _peggysus:_ he was calling the same white boy

 _peggysus:_ every single one of those names

 _peggysus:_ PROFESSOR LEE KICKS HIM OUT OF CLASS FOR STEREOTYPING

 _peggysus:_ AND AS HE WALKS OUT HE SAYS

 _peggysus:_ "my deepest apologies professor generic white last name"

 _honhonlafayette:_ mon dieu

 

**[12:08 PM]**

_alEXTRAnder:_  c'mon that wasnt that bad!

 _angrelica:_ that was pretty good actually

 _herculASS:_ still extra as fuck

 _alEXTRAnder:_ shut up you love my extra ass

 _johnnyboy:_ excuse me that extra ass is mine

 _honhonlafayette:_ that was indeed quite good my friend. kudos to you hamilton

 _peggysus:_ excuse me when did dragging hour turn into "kudos alex" hour

 _alEXTRAnder:_ since our friends here realized the true value of who I am as a person and embraced my "extraness" as a redeeming quality rather than a condemining one

 

**{12:09 PM]**

_peggysus:_...

 _herculASS:_...

 _honhonlafayette:_...

 _momfriendliza:_...

 _angrelica:_...

 _johnnyboy:_...

 

**[12:10 PM]**

_herculASS:_ hey remember the time alex tried to hit on a guy at a bar using a historic pick up line and it turned out to be professor washington

 _alEXTRAnder:_ oh for fucks sake


	2. The Washington Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander Hamilton tries to hit on a guy using a historical pick up line to prove a point. BigMistake.jpg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You asked for it and, much like Headass Alexander Hamilton, I don't say no to this so here we go

**Sinner Hell Squad**

alEXTRAnder, honhonlafayette, momfriendliza, peggysus, herculASS, johnnyboy, angelic(onic)a

 

**[10:24 PM]**

_peggysus:_ where the fuck are y'all

 _herculASS:_ at a sorry excuse for pregame

 _peggysus:_ so you're at Alex's. got it.

 _alEXTRAnder:_ i cant believe i am attacked like this in my own home

 _angelic(onic)a:_ you guys coming out or not?

 _johnnyboy:_ at least I am

 _honhonlafayette:_ my beautiful son I am so proud of you

 _peggysus:_ you're so brave

 _herculASS:_ I think I might cry

 _johnnyboy:_ cute guys. real cute.

 _alEXTRAnder:_ this would be funnier if we didn't already know john is gayer than everyone in this chat combined

 _alEXTRAnder:_ which is already outrageously gay

 

**[10:31 PM]**

_peggysus:_ we're outside hoes

 _johnnyboy:_ eliza with you?

 _momfriendliza:_ unfortunately yes

 _herculASS:_ WE'VE GOT OUR DESIGNATED MOM FRIEND WE'RE READY TO GO

 _momfriendliza:_ please don't do anything you'll regret

 _herculASS:_ given that I am not Hamilton, nor will not be sleeping with Hamilton, I will not be doing anything I regret tonight

 _alEXTRAnder:_ first of all how dare you

 _alEXTRAnder:_ second of all sleeping with me is not an experience you'd regret

 _johnnyboy:_ debatable

 _alEXTRAnder:_ that's not what you were saying last night ;)

 _alEXTRAnder:_ it was pretty hard for you to say much of anything amidst the moaning

 

**[10:33 PM]**

_honhonlafayette:_ good god **  
**

_herculASS:_ PLEASE

 _johnnyboy:_ did you just wink emoji me

 _angelic(onic)a:_ alexander hamilton keep your dick in your pants

 _momfriendliza:_ i hope you were being safe

 _alEXTRAnder:_ MOOOOOOOM

 _alEXTRAnder:_ you're embarrassing me in front of my friends

 _herculASS:_ I don't know what "friends" he's referring to but I don't see any in this chat

 _alEXTRAnder:_ shut the fuck up mulligan did I ask

 _peggysus:_ JUST COME DOWNSTAIRS

 _peggysus:_ CHRIST

 

**[10:42 PM]**

_herculASS:_ okay who the fuck has the aux

 _johnnyboy:_ why are you texting this we're in the same car

 _honhonlafayette:_ hamilton does. why?

 _herculASS:_ am i the only one who notices this

 _peggysus:_ what's up?

 _herculASS:_ oh nothing

 _herculASS:_ he's just playing a fucking trap remix of the Gettysburg Address

 _angelic(onic)a:_ WHAT

 _herculASS:_ ARE YOU NOT HEARING THIS SHIT

 _johnnyboy:_ i'm so used to his weird shit it just slipped past me

 _alEXTRAnder:_ fuck all of you this is a true club beat

 _peggysus:_ all in favor of passing the aux to Herc look judgmentally at Alex right now

 

**[10:43 PM]**

_peggysus:_ Herc the aux is yours

 _alEXTRAnder:_ eliza you didn't have to stare at me with judgement while driving that's unsafe what kind of mother are you

 _momfriendliza:_ you deserved it

 

**[10:50 PM]**

_honhonlafayette:_  please dont lose the car keys this time

 _honhonlafayette:_ i would like to avoid repeating what happened last time

 _johnnyboy:_ i can't believe peggy can break into a car and hotwire it while drunk

 _angelic(onic)a:_ i know

 _angelic(onic)a:_ i'm so proud of her

 _peggysus:_ <3

 _alEXTRAnder:_ it would've been impressive it had actually been, you know, our car

 _alEXTRAnder:_ it would've also been less illegal

 _peggysus:_ stop trying to pretend you're not impressed

 _herculASS:_ "less illegal" says the man who got a $200 fine just last week

 _alEXTRAnder:_ how the fuck was i supposed to know its illegal to greet someone by putting your thumb to your nose and wiggling your fingers at them i was just trying to have a good time

 _peggysus:_ you're kidding me that that's what he got that fine for

 _herculASS:_ what did you think it was

 _peggysus:_ HE SAID IT WAS FOR WRITING IN A BOOK FROM THE PUBLIC LIBRARY

 _herculASS:_ IN MY DEFENSE THE LAWS OF THE STATE OF NEW YORK ARE A JOKE

 _peggysus:_ HOW DID YOU MAKE YOURSELF EVEN MORE UNCOOL

 _angelic(onic)a:_ alexander you truly just drag yourself at this point

 

**[10:56 PM]**

_momfriendliza:_ has anybody seen peggy

 _honhonlafayette:_ she's not with us

 _johnnyboy:_ not with us either

 _angelic(onic)a:_ i think she's over by the bar

 

**[10:58 PM]**

_honhonlafayette:_ why is she talking to that man

 _angelic(onic)a:_ i'm not sure

 _momfriendliza:_ maybe she's just making friends

_johnnyboy:_

_herculASS:_

_angelic(onic)a:_

_momfriendliza:_ yeah you're right she's up to something

 

**[11:02 PM]**

_peggysus:_ anyway guess who has a sugar daddy

 _peggysus:_ okay did anyone else just see alex spit his drink across the room cause that was hilarious

 _peggysus:_ i really hope the club has cameras i'm gonna ask for that footage

 _peggysus:_ did y'all die

 _peggysus:_ guys why is eliza looking at me like that

 _momfriendliza:_ MARGARITA

 _momfriendliza:_ SCHUYLER

 _peggysus:_ oh

 _johnnyboy:_ RIP in rest

 _herculASS:_ RIP in pieces

 _honhonlafayette:_ i'll make sure your funeral is nice

 _momfriendliza:_ WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GOT A """SUGAR DADDY"""

 _peggysus:_ were the triple quotes necessary

 

**[11:05 PM]**

_momfriendliza:_ PEGGY FIRST OF ALL HOW DARE YOU SECOND OF ALL YOU ARE JUST AN INNOCENT CHILD WITH A WONDERFUL FUTURE AHEAD OF YOU YOU DON'T NEED A SUGAR DADDY WHY WOULD YOU NEED A SUGAR DADDY I'LL BUY YOU STUFF

 _johnnyboy:_ are we forgetting the very important fact that she's extremely Not Straight

 _momfriendliza:_ AND THAT TOO

 _peggysus:_ well

 _peggysus:_ i'm always a hoe for cheating predatory middle aged men out of their money

 _angelic(onic)a:_ wait what

 _peggysus:_ i gave him a fake number, profile, facebook, twitter and instagram

 _alEXTRAnder:_ do you just have these set up and ready to go or

 _peggysus:_ i told him to deposit money to a ghost paypal account

 _peggysus:_ money which i am then donating to the university fund for scholarships

 _momfriendliza:_ are you trying to tell me you're running a business where you cheat sugar daddies out of their money to then pay for other people's education

 _peggysus:_ yah

 

**[11:08 PM]**

_peggysus:_ why is eliza running at me

 _peggysus:_ guys

 _johnnyboy:_ these are different circumstances but i'll still make sure your funeral is beautiful

 _honhonlafayette:_ i have never seen someone hug another person with such force

 _angelic(onic)a:_ I'M SO PROUD OF HER

 _herculASS:_ wait what do you send these guys in exchange for the money

 _peggysus:_ oh photos of a bra on my knees

 _peggysus:_ men are clueless and the similarity is uncanny

 _johnnyboy:_ ICONIC

 _honhonlafayette:_ HONESTLY. TRULY. ICONIC.

 

**[11:11 PM]**

_peggysus:_ 11:11 ham stops being extra

 _herculASS:_ 11:11 alex stops being extra as fuck

 _johnnyboy:_ 11:11 alex stops being a petty bitch

 _momfriendliza:_ 11:11 alex gets some sleep

 _angelic(onic)a:_ 11:11 alex stops being like this

 _alEXTRAnder:_ do you have to do this every night

 _herculASS:_ we're doing it for you alex

 

**[11:17 PM]**

_momfriendliza:_  guys why is alex making The Face

 _honhonlafayette:_ where is he? I do not see him

 _momfriendliza:_ over by the bar at my ten o'clock

 _honhonlafayette:_ he is definitely making The Face

 _peggysus:_ hold on let me see

 _peggysus:_ fucking hell

 _herculASS:_ john

 _herculASS:_ joooooohn

 _herculASS:_ LAURENS LAURENS LAURENS LAURENS LAURENS LAURENS

 _johnnyboy:_ what do you want

 _honhonlafayette:_ why is alex making the face

 _johnnyboy:_ i dont know i was in the bathroom

 _johnnyboy:_ let me ask

 

**[11:21 PM]**

_johnnyboy:_ we have a code e

 _angelic(onic)a:_ is it code e or like. CODE E.

 _jonnyboy:_ code E with a capital E

 _momfriendliza:_ what is he gonna do

 _johnnyboy:_ he's still bitter that burr said he doesn't have the charm to conquer someone with his intellect instead of his actions

 _peggysus:_ of course he is

 _honhonlafayette:_ what is he going to do though

 _johnnyboy:_ the usual

 _johnnyboy:_ try to pick a guy up using a historical pick up line

 _johnnyboy:_ as one does

 _herculASS:_ is he drunk

 _johnnyboy:_ does that question really need an answer

 _alEXTRAnder:_ excUSE me?? frist of all i would like to say i am 106% capable of pickign a guy up using only my mind and whta better way than the power of HISTORY

 _alEXTRAnder:_ secondly of all aAron burr can choke

 _johnnyboy:_ i support you and everything you do babe!

 _honhonlafayette:_ didn't alex have like. one drink.

 _herculASS:_ for a man who has survived pretty much everything life has ever thrown at him his tolerance for alcohol is absolutely 0%

 

**[11:26 PM]**

_momfriendliza:_ oh god he's going for it

 _angelic(onic)a:_ how are you so okay with this laurens

 _johnnyboy:_ are you kidding me

 _johnnyboy:_ he is using a historical pick up line on a guy to try to hook up

 _johnnyboy:_ he may be my boyfriend but i also enjoy watching him crash and burn once in a while

 _peggysus:_ this is why you're my favorite gay

 _honhonlafayette:_ who is he approaching though?

 _peggysus:_ tall, dark, handsome. to my left, my 9 o'clock

 _honhonlafayette:_ got it

 _herculASS:_ laurens keep us posted

 

**[11:27 PM]**

_johnnyboy:_  he just did it

 _momfriendliza:_ what line did he use?

 _johnnyboy:_ "You must be related to Ben Franklin cause I just discovered some electricity between us"

 _peggysus:_ help him

 _herculASS:_ he's an idiot

 _momfriendliza:_ how's the guy reacting?

 _johnnyboy:_ hasn't even reacted

 _johnnyboy:_ hold on he's going in with a second one

 

**[11:28 PM}**

_honhonlafayette:_ what was it?

 _johnnyboy:_ "Are you Karl Marx? Because I feel an uprising in my lower class"

 _herculASS:_ FUCK

 _momfriendliza:_ please stop him

 _johnnyboy:_ STILL NO REACTION FROM THE GUY

 _johnnyboy:_ I, ON THE OTHER HAND, ALMOST INHALED THE STRAW ON MY DRINK FROM LAUGHING SO HARD

 _peggysus:_ is he gonna keep trying

 _johnnyboy:_ i think he has one more

 

**[11:29 PM]**

_johnnyboy:_ alright here he goes

 _herculASS:_ #prayforalex

 _momfriendliza:_ what did he say this time?

 _honhonlafayette:_ how is the guy reacting?

 

**[11:30 PM]**

_angelic(onic)a:_ john????

 _honhonlafayette:_ is he okay?

 _momfriendliza:_ anyone got eyes on him?

 _peggysus:_ i do hold on

 _peggysus:_ i can't tell if he's laughing or choking, but he's currently on the floor

 _momfriendliza:_ christ is he okay???

 _herculASS:_ should I go check on him?

 

**[11:31 PM]**

_johnnyboy:_ akjshdkjahkJHDAKJSHFKAJHGKGJ

 _herculASS:_ help him

 _peggysus:_ SPEAK, LAURENS. WITH WORDS.

 _johnnyboy:_ imm FUC KGN CRYING KJAH

 _momfriendliza:_ WHAT HAPPENED

 _johnnyboy:_ OKAY FUCK. ALEX GOES IN FOR THE KILL, ALL FULL OF SWAGGER AND SEDUCTION

 _honhonlafayette:_ so basically looking like a dumbass, got it.

 _johnnyboy:_ AND HE GOES FOR THE PATRIOTISM

 _peggysus:_ of course he FUCKING DID

 _johnnyboy:_ TAPS HIM ON THE SHOULDER, AND WHISPERS "On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?"

 _johnnyboy:_ THE GUY DOESN'T TURN AROUND, DOESN'T EVEN MISS A BEAT AND HE SAYS "Stalinist Russia"

 _herculASS:_ OH MY GOD

 _angelic(onic)a:_ get that man some ICE

 _momfriendliza:_ he just got shot DOWN

 _peggysus:_ HOLY SHIT

 _honhonlafayette:_ THIS MAN IS MY HERO

 

**[11:32 PM]**

_momfriendliza:_  what's alex doing now?

 _johnnyboy:_ just kinda sipping his drink sadly

 _momfriendliza:_ awwwwww

 _peggysus:_ are you seriously "awwww"ing him

 _momfriendliza:_ he just wanted to be smooth

 _herculASS:_ this is alexander hamilton we're talking about. he's about as smooth as sandpaper.

 _angelic(onic)a:_ i kinda wanna know who this guy is

 _angelic(onic)a:_ thank him for dragging alex in my acceptance speech when i become president

 _honhonlafayette:_ why would you thank him?

 _angelic(onic)a:_ every time someone drags alex I get a new purpose in life

 _peggysus:_ hey johnnyboy think we can get a name?

 _johnnyboy:_ i can try

 

**[11:36 PM]**

_momfriendliza:_ peggy you're the one nearest to them what is happening

 _peggysus:_ two seconds

 _peggysus:_ john has showed up to collect his drunk boyfriend

 _peggysus:_ it looks like he's apologizing to the man

 _peggysus:_ my Mysterious Hero is yet to turn around

 

**[11:37 PM]**

_peggysus:_ OH

 _peggysus:_ MY FUCKING

_peggysus: **GOD**_

_herculASS:_ what is it?

 _herculASS:_ wait... is that

 _honhonlafayette:_ MON DIEU

 _angelic(onic)a:_ HOLY SHIT

 _herculASS:_ YOU'RE KIDDING ME

 _herculASS:_ IM FUCK ING JKHASDJK G HAH GJHG J

 _momfriendliza:_ what's happening

 _momfriendliza:_ is herc okay?

 _momfriendliza:_ TALK TO ME!!!

 

**[11:39 PM]**

_herculASS:_ iTS GEOROGE F UCK NG WHAS UNGTON

 _momfriendliza:_ SAY IT IN ENGLISH MULLIGAN

 _peggysus:_ what mulligan is trying to say is

 _peggysus:_ "IT'S GEORGE FUCKING WASHINGTON"

 _momfriendliza:_ WHAT

 _momfriendliza:_ are you guys playing a prank on me

 _angelic(onic)a:_ I CAN CONFIRM IT IS, INDEED, GEORGE FUCKING WASHINGTON

 _honhonlafayette:_ I AM IN TEARS

 _momfriendliza:_ are you trying to tell me alex hit on our US history and government teacher using pick up lines while very drunk

 _johnnyboy:_ YES

 

**[11:41 PM]**

_momfriendliza:_  oh

 _momfriendliza:_ my

 _momfriendliza:_ fUCKING

 _momfriendliza:_ GOD

 _herculASS:_ strong words from eliza

 _peggysus:_ this watered my crops. it fed my children. it gave me 20/20 vision.

 _angelic(onic)a:_ I have ascended to a higher plane of existence because of this

 _honhonlafayette:_ every time alexander hamilton does something stupid it adds 5 years to my life

 _peggysus:_ WAIT THEY'RE COMING BACK

 

**[11:45 PM]**

_alEXTRAnder:_ hey what did I miss

 _honhonlafayette:_ STALINIST RUSSIA

 _herculASS:_ YOU GOT FUCKIN BURNED

 _peggysus:_ BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, REALLY?

 _angelic(onic)a:_ UPRISING IN YOUR LOWER CLASS

 _alEXTRAnder:_ dammit john

 _johnnyboy:_ I'M SORRY

 

**[11:47 PM]**

_momfriendliza:_ did herc just pretend to hold a microphone to alex's face while asking "so, alexander hamilton, how does it feel to be an absolute headass?"

 _peggysus:_ yes

 _momfriendliza:_ i don't condone bullying but

 _momfriendliza:_ iconic

 _alEXTRAnder:_ can we go home

 _herculASS:_ i just want to know what washington said

 _angelic(onic)a:_ tru what did he say

 _johnnyboy:_ he said

 _johnnyboy:_ "I knew when I got that bad feeling in my chest that it was you. I do hope your work is more eloquent than your seduction"

 _peggysus:_ OOOOOOHHHHH

 _honhonlafayette:_ wait what do you mean "work", we don't have Prof Washington this year

 _johnnyboy:_ Alex starts as his TA on monday

 _herculASS:_ OOOOOHHHH

 _peggysus:_ HOLY SHIT

 _momfriendliza:_ CHRIST

 _alEXTRAnder:_ I JUST WANT TO GO HOME

 

**[11:59 PM]**

**\-- alEXTRAnder's name has been changed to "Headass" --**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse


	3. Bad Post OP

**Sinner Hell Squad**

headass, honhonlafayette, momfriendliza, peggysus, herculASS, johnnyboy, angelic(onic)a  

 

**[1:05 PM]**

_headass:_ hey kids I have an idea 

_herculASS:_  vetoed 

_honhonlafayette:_  vetoed 

_angelic(onic)a:_  vetoed 

_peggysus:_  golden veto 

_johnnyboy:_  vetoed 

_momfriendliza:_  don't you guys maybe wanna hear him out first   

 

**[1:06 PM]**

_herculASS:_  the veto power literally exists so we don't have to listen to hamilton at any point ever

_peggysus:_  yeah get with the program mom 

_headass:_  fuck you guys 

_headass:_  what the hell is a golden veto anyways 

_peggysus:_  once a week we get the right to a golden veto 

_peggysus:_  each of us has one 

_peggysus:_  if one of us uses our golden veto it means you need to literally shut up about whatever it is with no ifs or buts 

_headass:_  when the fuck did i agree to this 

_peggysus:_  it's in the official Veto Power Rule Book 

_headass:_  the what   

 

**[1:08 PM]**  

_peggysus:_   **[Document: VetoBookS3A7.pdf]**

_peggysus:_  section 3 article 7 clearly states the golden power makes, and I quote, "Alexander Hamilton shut up for the rest of his extra life"

_headass:_  “the rest of his extra life” okay that sounds excessive

_honhonlafayette:_ YOU’RE excessive

_headass:_ solid comeback, baguette fuck

_headass:_ and anyway I never agreed to this

_johnnyboy:_ **[Image File: YesYouDidHamDontStart.jpg]**

 

**[1:09 PM]**

_headass:_ what the fuck I don’t remember that

_headass:_ this image is doctored I request a lawyer

_herculASS:_ **[ItsNotDoctoredHeadass.jpg]**

_headass:_ did you actually hire someone to do an analysis on that photo just to prove me wrong

_angelic(sonic)a_ : yea  what else were we supposed to do

_peggysus:_ of course we did we know your lil extra ass

 

**[1:12 PM]**

_honhonlafayette:_ he is being silent again

_herculASS:_ my headass senses are tingling

_johnnyboy:_ you always say that around alex

_herculASS:_ he's always being a headass

_honhonlafayette:_ tru

 

**[1:13 PM]**

_momfriendliza:_ see what you did? now he's too afraid to return to the chat!!!

_peggysus:_ PFFFFFT

_peggysus:_ BITCH I WISH

_momfriendliza:_ he knows he's just gonna get dragged if he comes back so now he won't

_angelic(onic)a:_ does Ham have any sense of self-preservation at all?

_momfriendliza:_ no

_angelic(onic)a:_ there's your answer

 

**[1:17 PM]**

_headass:_ okay so I was looking into New York state law and it says here that these agreements aren't valid unless they're notarized so given that there is no possible way I went and willingly got this notarized with you guys I am expecting full apologies in MLA format due Monday morning

_herculASS:_...

_peggysus:_...

_johnnyboy:_...

_headass:_ good. you should be silent and ashamed you took advantage of my kindness in this way.

_angelic(onic)a:_...

_momfriendliza:_...

_honhonlafayette:_ so who is gonna tell him?

_headass:_ tell me what?

 

**[1:18 PM]**

_johnnyboy:_  babe........

_johnnyboy:_ **[Image File: HamAtTheNotary.jpg]**

_headass:_ WHAT THE FUCK JOHN

_johnnyboy:_ I'M SORRY

_peggysus:_ AKJDSHFKJS

_headass:_ WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN

_angelic(onic)a:_ do you really not remember??

_headass:_ I REALLY DON'T???

 

**[1:20 PM]**

_herculASS:_ of course he doesn't he was in zombie writing mode

_headass:_ when, exactly, was that?

_herculASS:_ approximately two weeks ago

_johnnyboy:_ you had six papers due and you wouldn't shut up about farming and land rights

_headass:_ listen farming rights are the backbone of the American justice system

_honhonlafayette:_ we know. you invited us to your dorm to watch the Super Bowl and then spoke for 6 hours on this topic.

_angelic(onic)a:_ you also spent two full hours crying over the puppy bowl and tried to adopt 8 of the dogs

_honhonlafayette:_ we had to pull the laptop away from you

_peggysus:_ you're also now banned from holding gatherings on occasions of national importance thanks to that

_headass:_ WAIT NO YOU CAN'T DO THAT I HAVE STUFF AND THINGS PLANNED

_peggysus:_ you're still allowed to have your "Beyoncé is Blessing Us With Twins" party

_headass:_ oh k then its chill lol

 

**[1:22 PM]**

_headass:_ how did you get me to sign tho

_herculASS:_ you were so sleep deprived you thought you were signing a contract to grant "extreme freedom and eternal happiness to the national treasure known as john laurens"

_angelic(onic)a:_ you even wrote john a note at the bottom of the document. with little hearts.

_headass:_ no i didn't now you're just messing with me

_angelic(onic)a:_ **[Image File: Gay.jpg]**

_headass:_...... i'm gonna go cancel myself brb

_johnnyboy:_ I thought it was sweet <3

 

**[1:24 PM]**

_herculASS:_ i'm glad the evidence folder came in handy

_peggysus:_ all my ideas are brilliant

_momfriendliza:_ the what?

_peggysus:_ oh shit lemme share it with you

_headass:_ can you share it with me too?

_peggysus:_ HA

_honhonlafayette:_ NO

_herculASS:_ FUCK OFF

_headass:_ point taken

 

**[1:25 PM]**

_momfriendliza:_ I swear if you put as much effort into your coursework as you do into collecting detailed evidence to refute everything Ham says you all would have graduated with honors at least two years ago

_headass:_ mom what is it

_johnnyboy:_ ELIZA DON'T

_headass:_ JOHN WHAT THE FUCK?

_johnnyboy:_ the first rule if Shade Club is you don't talk about Shade Club

_headass:_ i'm breaking up with you

_johnnyboy:_ get your head off my chest when you say that if you wanna be more convincing

_headass:_ no

 

**[1:30 PM]**

_momfriendliza:_ are you trying to tell me

_momfriendliza:_ you guys went through all that trouble simply to avoid hearing Ham's ideas? 

_momfriendliza:_ consider this:

_momfriendliza:_ actually listen to Ham's idea?

 

**[1:31 PM]**

herculASS: bad post OP 

johnnyboy: bad post OP 

peggysus: bad post OP 

honhonlafayette: bad post OP 

angelic(onic)a: bad post OP

_momfriendliza:_ come on just this one time

_momfriendliza:_ for me?

 

**[1:32 PM]**

_honhonlafayette:_ the Shade Committee has deliberated and we agree to listen, but we will not under any circumstances partake in whatever activity Ham is planning

_honhonlafayette:_ are these terms acceptable?

_headass:_ oh yes.... they very much are

_herculASS:_ go ahead

 

**[1:33 PM]**

_headass:_ i was just gonna say I won the Chipotle haiku contest and therefore got myself free Chipotle for a year, and I was gonna invite all of you to get some free food but given that these terms have been accepted, I guess I'll be going alone

_herculASS:_ WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

_peggysus:_ WAIT NO NEVERMIND WE RETRACT OUR TERMS

_angelic(onic)a:_ THIS WAS ALL THEIR IDEA I WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS

_momfriendliza:_ COME ON ALEX DON'T BE LIKE THIS

_johnnyboy:_ ALEX HAVE MERCY

_honhonlafayette:_ THE TERMS WERE NEVER NOTARIZED IT DOESN'T COUNT LET US COME

_herculASS:_ SEND YOUR LOCATION I JUST WANNA TALK ALEX

_headass:_ **[Read: 1:34 PM]**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton's revenge has just began
> 
> This was more of a filler for the absolute WRECK that is coming up next..... prepare yourselves.....


	4. The REKToning: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton gets his revenge. NOW IN TWO CONVENIENTLY SEPARATED PARTS!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok listen I know this took months but in my defense I graduated high school in that time so sue me
> 
> also welcome to hell! welcome to hell! this is part 1 of Ham's revenge, and TRUST ME: you don't wanna miss part 2
> 
> yell at me on twitter: boldlygaying

**Sinner Hell Squad** has been changed to **The Judgement Day**

headass, honhonlafayette, momfriendliza, peggysus, herculASS, johnnyboy, angelic(onic)a

 

**[6:27 PM]**

_headass:_ welcome one, welcome all

_**\-- headass's name has been changed to Judge, Judy, Executioner --** _

_Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ welcome to the day of revenge

 _Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ welcome to the moment where the underdog fights back

 _Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ welcome on this day, to The REKToning

 

**[6:28 PM]**

_peggysus:_ (What in the fresh titty is this extra ass doing)

 _herculASS:_ (I don't know but it can't be good)

 _angelic(onic)a:_ (Sometimes I wonder how he's not a theatre major with how dramatic he is)

 _honhonlafayette:_ (6/10 for the REKT pun it needs work)

 _Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ SILENCE!

 _herculASS:_ chill out your honor

 _Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ Today is the day I get my sweet, sweet revenge.

 _Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ Today is the day I return to my greatness by dragging you all down with me.

 _herculASS:_ (I mean if we’re down with him doesn’t that mean we still are above him)

 _Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ Herc did I fucking ask

 

**[6:29 PM]**

_peggysus:_ why do you sound like Kyle Ron’s slightly more edgy cousin

 _momfriendliza:_ Isn’t it Kylo Ren?

 _peggysus:_ I know what the fuck I said

 _johnnyboy:_ (Guys the less we talk the faster we can get through this mess)

 _angeli(conic)a:_ John I admire your constant resilience in your relationship to human disaster Hamilton

 _johhnyboy:_ thank u I try

 _Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ Shut the Heck Up

 _honhonlafayette:_ Heck

 _herculASS:_ heckin’

 _peggysus:_ heckaroo

 _angeli(conic)a:_ oh my mcfuckin god just be mcfuckin quiet

 

**[6:30 PM]**

_Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ It’s alright. Laugh all you want, crack your jokes. You won’t want to smile after I am done with you.

 _herculASS:_ [GodDAMNThatsEdgy.jpg]

 _momfriendliza:_ GUYS

 _herculASS:_ sorry mom

 _momfriendliza:_ continue Alex

 _Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ I don’t need your PERMISSION, commoner!

 _peggysus:_ Eliza you’re ruining his illusion of grandeur

 _momfriendliza:_ oh shit you’re right sorry

 _momfriendliza:_ continue

 _Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ I have brought you all here for one purpose

 _momfriendliza:_ (You’re doing amazing sweetie!)

 _Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ And one purpose only…

 

**[6:34 PM]**

_Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ To expose you ALL.

 _peggysus:_ good dramatic effect with the pausing

 _honhonlafayette:_ 7/10, appropriate drama level

 _herculASS:_ I have never done a fuckin thing in my life your honor

 _angeli(conic)a:_ ok how serious can these accusations be if your name literally says Judge Judy

 _Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ Don’t try to fuckin fool me I know how to type

 _Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ The fact that you’re trying to distract me from my purpose with this kind of shitty banter and Fake News is honestly so offensive and speaks deeply about your character and behavior

 _johnnyboy:_ …..babe…….

 _Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ what

 

**[6:36 PM]**

_Judge, Judy, Executioner:_ OH FOR FUCK’S

_**\-- Judge, Judy, Executioner changed their name to Judge, Jury, Executioner --** _

_peggysus:_ I don’t know what’s more worrying the fact he took 2 full minutes to recognize his mistake or the typo itself

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ It was an honest mistake okay asshole

 _momfriendliza:_ (You’re still doing amazing sweetie!)

 _angeli(conic)a:_ disagree

 _peggysus:_ strongly disagree

 _herculASS:_ vetoed

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ Don’t fucking start I legally invalidated that document so you have nothing you hear me

 _honhonlafayette:_ We have the satisfaction of knowing your, how you say, dumb ass, had to abide by it for some time

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ Full offense fuck you

 

**[6:37 PM]**

_Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ Hmmm…. who should we start with today

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ The tea is HOT!

 _peggysus:_ Tea is un-American dump it in the river long live the revolution

 _momfriendliza:_ peggy…

 _peggysus:_ YOU WILL TAX MY TEA OVER MY DEAD BODY

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ FINE. FUCK. THE…. DR. PEPPER IS HOT TODAY?

 _herculASS:_ nasty

 _johnnyboy_ : ah yes… Dr. Pepper… a true American icon

 _peggysus:_ I’ll take what I can get

 

**[6:38 PM]**

_Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ I think I’ll roll the dice on this one

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ Unless someone would like to volunteer

 _herculASS:_ try me hoe

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ wait are you serious

 _herculASS:_ I’ve never done a gotdam thing in my life go ahead

 _herculASS:_ I’ll expose you and your FAKE FACTS

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ Oh honey you got a big storm comin’

**[6:41 PM]**

_herculASS:_ told y’all he didn’t have shit

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ **[Uploading file: HercInternet.pdf]**

 _peggysus:_ what the shit is that

 _honhonlafayette:_ If you are showing us what Hercules is into… I would rather not open that can of worms

 _angeli(conic)a:_ is this a sex thing?

 _momfriendliza:_ ALEX! in this house we don’t kinkshame

_peggysus:_

┏┓

┃┃╱╲ in this

┃╱╱╲╲ house

╱╱╭╮╲╲ we

▔▏┗┛▕▔

╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲

    don’t kinkshame

╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲

▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

 _momfriendliza:_ thanks peggy

 

**[6:43 PM]**

_Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ gOD NO ITS NOT A SEX THING

 _peggysus:_ then what…

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ **[Uploaded: HercInternet.pdf]**

 _honhonlafayette:_ What is this

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ My dear friends, do you remember where we were on the afternoon of May 19th?

 _angeli(conic)a:_ let me dig up some receipts

 _angeli(conic)a:_ we went to Coney Island, why?

 _herculASS:_ yeah what the fuck does this have to do with

 _herculASS:_ oh

 _johnnyboy:_ what?

 _herculASS:_ oh no

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ Oh yes

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ Do you happen to remember who of those present here today wasn’t able to attend our lovely excursion

 _herculASS:_ c'mon dude. your honor. like. for real my man. 

 _momfriendliza:_ yeah Herc

 

**[6:44 PM]**

_Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ Do you remember how we were able to attend Luna Park at said Coney Island?

 _peggysus:_ we won tickets on the radio

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ And when were those tickets valid for?

 _angeli(conic)a:_ only May 19

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_  Exactly. ONLY May 19. So remember how Herc had to work that day and couldn’t attend

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ And how he reassured us over 27 times that it was fine? And how he didn't want us to let them go to waste?

 _honhonlafayette:_ of course

 _herculASS_ : please

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ NO. BE GONE THOT.

 _peggysus:_ yeah he really insisted that it was fine, what’s your point, Herc is a nice dude?

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ please open the document HercInternet.jpg

 

**[6:46 PM]**

_johnnyboy:_ WHAT

 _angeli(conic)a:_ OH MY GOD

 _momfriendliza:_ oh sweetie I’m so sorry!

 _herculASS:_ I hate you

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ As we can see, Hercules Mulligan is a DRAMATIC BITCH

 _herculASS:_ one time. IT WAS ONE TIME!

 _momfriendliza:_ baby I’m so sorry you felt the need to do this

 _peggysus:_ 38 times… how could you stand watching Trisha Paytas’s FAKE FRIENDS video 38 FUCKING TIMES!

 _honhonlafayette:_ my lord

herculASS: IT WAS NOTHING OKAY IT WAS RELATABLE AT THE TIME

 

**[6:47 PM]**

_Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ It gets better

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner_ : Please proceed to page 2 of the evidence

 _peggysus:_ COMMENTS?!

 _momfriendliza:_ you felt the need to leave COMMENTS

 _johnnyboy:_ “Trisha you’re so strong, I’ve dealt with my fair share of fake friends. Fake ass friends who don’t care.” HERC

 _angeli(conic)a:_ WHY ARE YOU THE TOP COMMENT

 _honhonlafayette:_ You are, as they say, a petty hoe

 _herculASS_ : I FELT LIKE THAT IN THE MOMENT MY EMOTIONS ARE VALID

 _momfriendliza_ : of course they are!

 _peggysus:_ YEAH VALIDLY EXTRA AND DRAMATIC

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ I’m not done

 _johnnyboy:_ what

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ proceed to page 3

 

**[6:50 PM]**

_peggysus:_ oh my GOD

 _johnnyboy:_ this just gets better

 _momfriendliza:_ HERCULES! MULLIGAN! WHAT THE SHIT!

 _angeli(conic)a:_ strong words once more from Eliza

 _honhonlafayette:_ YOU TRIED TO REPORT US TO THE CONEY ISLAND AUTHORITIES

 _herculASS:_ NO

 _peggysus:_ YES YOU DID

 _herculASS:_ NO I DIDN’T I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR THE RULES OF THE PARK

 _johnnyboy:_ Google search: “Can you arrest your friend for being a fake bitch?”

 _herculASS_ : I

 _herculASS:_ THAT WASN’T ABOUT YOU

 _angeli(conic)a:_ WELL I DON'T SEE YOU HAVIN ANY OTHER FRIENDS

 _peggysus:_ this is….. so extra……. i’m shooketh

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ You’re welcome

 _herculASS:_ I hate you

 _angeli(conic)a:_  Alex this is so #rude

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ YOU’RE RUDE

 _peggysus:_ wow solid comeback Judy

 

**[6:53 PM]**

_honhonlafayette:_ Wait

 _honhonlafayette:_ If his evidence of Hercules being extra was real

 _honhonlafayette:_ That can only mean…

 _peggysus:_ FUCK

 _angeli(conic)a:_ YOU KNOW WHAT I TAKE IT BACK THIS WAS AMAZING YOU’RE DOING #AMAZING

 _momfriendiza:_ HEY THAT’S MY LINE

 _johnnyboy:_ YEAH MAN DRAG HERC WHO CARES

 _herculASS:_ HEY FUCKTRUCK I’M RIGHT HERE

 _johnnyboy:_ SELF-PRESERVATION COMES FIRST. FRIENDS WHO? I HAVE NO FRIENDS

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ You can’t wait to be nice to me now I have the tea huh

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ I mean Dr. Pepper

 _johnnyboy:_ Hey remember that time I was your boyfriend. Now. Right now. I’m exempt. I date you. Right?

 _peggysus:_ you don’t get a free pass for fucking Alex

 

**[6:55 PM]**

_Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ Now… would anyone like to bravely volunteer to go next?

 _angeli(conic)a:_ I don’t know her

 _peggysus:_ I can’t read, suddenly, I don’t know

 _johnnyboy:_ @momfriendliza take one for the team

 _peggysus:_ yes mom protect us

 _momfriendliza:_ hell nah fuck y’all

 _honhonlafayette:_ W O W

 _angeli(conic)a:_ MOTHER HOW DARE YOU

 _herculASS:_ The Judgement Day 2: Eliza’s Revenge

 _peggysus:_ almost as extra as your internet history

 _herculASS:_ it was one time…

 

**[6:56 PM]**

_Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ The jury has come back with their verdict

 _peggysus:_ aren’t you the jury

 _honhonlafayette:_ In addition to Judge, Executioner, and presumably Judy too

 _angeli(conic):_ Is him talking about the jury in third person basically talking about himself in third person

 _johnnyboy:_ wow extra

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ You know what just for that Angelica you’re next

 _angeli(conic)a:_ WAIT WHAT NO

 _johnnyboy:_ GET REKT

 _honhonlafayette:_ It has been an honor being with you on this chat

 _peggysus:_ I wonder what he has on you

 _angeli(conic)a:_ you are all traitors and when I rule this planet you’re all going straight in the trash

 

**[7:00 PM]**

_Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ Anyone else remember Livejournal?

 _peggysus:_ of course

 _johnnyboy:_ what a relic

 _momfriendliza:_ yeah we all had one when we were younger, why?

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ So I’m assuming you all knew Angelica’s Livejournal, right?

 _momfriendliza:_ of course

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ But… did you really?

 _angeli(conic)a:_ don’t you fucking dare

 _peggysus:_ Angie what is this

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ Have you ever heard of… His Silver Volvo?

 _johnnyboy:_ of course we all have

 _momfriendliza:_ ok speak for yourself

 _honhonlafayette:_ never heard of it

 _herculASS:_ yeah I got nothin

 _johnnyboy:_ c’mon everyone who ever had a Twilight phase has heard of it

 _peggysus:_ buddy you’re on your own on this one

 _johnnyboy:_  #1 source for twilight fic? the great pant discourse? anyone? no?

 _honhonlafayette:_ Exposed John had a Twilight phase

 _heculASS:_ even more exposed John got involved in Twilight discourse

 

**[7:01 PM]**

_Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ Indeed, His Silver Volvo was an iconic Twilight site in the community

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ Legend has it the creator of the page hid their tracks so well no one was ever able to discover who they were

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ Until now.

 _herculASS:_ what

 _momfriendliza:_ wait

 _johnnyboy:_ NO FUCKING WAY

 _johnnyboy:_ YOU’RE EDWARDVOLVOSPARKLZ4EVER?

 _peggysus:_ WHAT

 _honhonlafayette:_ TWILIGHT?!

 _herculASS:_ EDWARDVOLVOSPARKLZ4EVER?

 _momfriendliza:_ I raised you better than this

 _angeli(conic)a:_ bitch I’m older than you

 _momfriendliza:_ and yet

 _johnnyboy:_ I can’t believe I’m in the presence of a legend

 

**[7:04 PM]**

 

 _herculASS:_ what the fuck was the pant discourse

 _peggysus:_ yeah @johnnyboy explain you twihard ass

 _johnnyboy:_ ok first of all I preferred the term Fanpire but whatever

 _honhonlafayette:_ You are an embarrassment to the gays

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ John, proceed

 _johnnyboy:_ After the Twilight movie, a discourse rose. During the baseball scene Rosalie was seen in dirty pants after sliding to one of the bases, and yet, in the next scene when she goes up to bat her pants are completely clean. On this eve, MySpace user EdwardVolvoSparklz4Ever created a discourse on this issue: was it on purpose? why could this be? Was this a riveting and deep commentary on the future character development of Rosalie and her internal purity? Fights arose. Discourse flooded the web. It was the greatest fight the Twilight world has seen since Edward vs. Jacob.

 _honhonlafayette:_ holy shit

 _herculASS:_ what happened

 _johnnyboy:_ Petitions were started for explanations, the author of the book and the director of the movie were contacted. It all changed one fateful afternoon: we had the truth

 _momfriendliza:_ holy shit

 _honhonlafayette:_ what was it

 _johnnyboy:_ Just a classic movie mistake lol. The Twilight world pretty much collapsed in on itself after that. It has never been the same. EdwardVolvoSparklz4Ever was never seen again… until now.

 _peggysus:_ I’M SHOOK

 

**[7:05 PM]**

_momfriendliza:_ ANGELICA YOU STARTED A TWILIGHT CIVIL WAR?

 _momfriendliza:_ YOU SPENT OUR ENTIRE TEENAGE LIFE COMPLAINING ABOUT THE SOFTENING OF VAMPIRES IN MODERN MEDIA

 _momfriendliza:_ YOU VANDALIZED EVERY POSTER WE EVER SAW FOR THAT MOVIE

 _angeli(conic)a:_ I COULDN’T BLOW MY COVER

 _peggysus:_ I can’t believe this

 _peggysus:_ Captain America and Iron Man who? Angelica invented Civil Wars

 _herculASS:_ can you believe angelica invented twilight discourse

 _johnnyboy:_ Kim Kardashian who? Angelica Schuyler broke the internet first

 _angeli(conic)a:_ I actually hate you all

 _Judge, Jury, Executioner:_ You had it coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter, featuring special guests and more iconic drags will come out this week. Listen I know last time I said that it took 6 months but I'm serious this time.


End file.
